An empty nest still leaves a space

I'm pretty fascinated by bugs.
These little guys in particular:

I need to get out by myself today with my camera, headphones, and sketchbook.


Since Friday at school I've been finally seeing how bright the world is again. Since Friday night i've been having some very deep thinking about my life in the future. It's truly inspiring looking at all the classes that I get to choose from and thinking about where life will really take me in the future. Yesterday wasn't feeling good at all in the afternoon, took my camera out and took photos around my house. The rain was so soothing. I dozed off with my headphones on, and I was lost in my own world. It was great.

Stay strong, friend. Please stay safe.


( photo cut )







Edit. I have to stay home and study. :( I wish I could actually go to the beach too.

I'm scared for you, but at the same time trying to not let it get to me that badly.

Had starbucks earlier :] it was nice.

Later on met Nadia and Aly at Borders and headed overt to my place to watch Percespolis and blacked out again near the end of the show. Idk what triggered it. I thought about the trip to the nurse's office on Tuesday and I got dizzy and it felt like I just wasn't there for a few minutes. Then my head's been pounding since.

I didn't realize how long I haven't updated but I really don't care. My week was slow, fun, painful, relaxing. I ate A LOT and slept okay. :} But at the same time when out for jog and coached the little Under 16s on the sides haha. Anyway, we're still kind of scared about my head because I feel alright but my head won't stop hurting. Even when I sleep. It feels like a very bad headache that's been going on non stop. And for the last three days i've been forgetting things a lot. Even simple stuff. Places and even one of my best friends names. I just couldn't remember. I text my mom yesterday because it got really bad yesterday and now I have to go get a scan on Tuesday. Cross your fingers that it's nothing! Seriously I hope I'll just get better taking some meds.



I miss this day last year
Shorrt hair, and you can see my split chin scar haha








I need to trim my hair, it's growing out alot and it's so messy.
And buy a new black hoody/sweater/something to keep me worm in Spanish and in Music.



And i'm currently listening to The Go! Team, The Shins, The Flaming Lips. All who i've loved for a pretty long time now they're always playing on my iPod touch.

Well it was going good. I finished my composition for Music, made up a quiz in Spanish. During break time I went to the music room to get info on performing at graduation, and then there was Science in the Library.

Working and writing up a paper about the Activity of a Nuclear Substance. Working, working, working. Then, it hit me. This same feeling/pain I got last night. I felt dizzy, I literally blacked out and nearly fell over. When I could see again, I only saw what was in front of me and everything else was just way to blurry. I couldn't really hear anything, almost as if everything went on mute. My head was pounding so much worse than yesterday, and way longer too. I was sent to the nurse's office. The first things they were asking were if I had enough sleep and enough to eat. Sigh, well... i'm not that tired and, i'm saving money for my sleeve. It's okay to not eat lunch for a few weeks right? As long as I eat breakfast and dinner I didn't say that of course. I know i'm the healthy one who goes running, plays sports, watches what she eats. I know. If the food and sleep was the case then i'll take care of it. Ran into Coach Kane, which not good considering I had Netball training later on after school. She said how I haven't been looking so good lately, and I haven't been playing as well as I used to (AS SICK AS I WAS I STARTED TEARING UP ALSO BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE SAID) and all she wants for me is to get better, not be stressed out, and play and feel great. I slept in the nurse's office for about 2 hours, I puked... yeah it was gross. Then last period came, it was either I go back to my lesson, or go home. I got out of bed saying, "Yeah i'll go to class no problem", thinking I was feeling better. But then I just swayed a little and my head was hurting insane again and I felt nauseated again. So I went home..

I'm okay.
Since a year and a half ago Au Revoir Simone has always made me okay.
I love their music (and them heh). I've always wanted a tattoo to show my love for music after listening to these girls because music was the only thing that helped me get through a really emotional state. Through The Backyards ftw.





I'm a judge for OFS BATTLE OF THE BANDS :] Gonna shower now, get Subway with Ruby and buy donuts for the judges. ciao.

And, because none of you really don't know what i'm going through. You have no idea. And i'd rather not blog about it.

I'm not fucking happy at all.
And if you think it's about you (any of you), no.






I wanna go back.

But I won't YET because I need my sleeve done.
Which comes down to me saying,
I fucking refuse to go out clubbing/drinking.
I just need the money.

Hong Kong International School netballers are adding me on Facebook! Haha. Like I said before, they are so friendly! Especially the goalshooter from The French International School in Hong Kong! She's the only one actually smiling in the photo, and she's one of the only girls I met this weekend who looked as nice as she does here on the court. Oh the girl doing the fish lips was fast and I got scared of her.






........



Oh yes, Sunday I took part in a debate about homosexuality for a friend's documentary at Spinelli's for a few hours. Afterwards, went to Kiehl's to see Nadia. Got bored, and decided to take out the store's polaroid camera and yeah. We both look.. yeah. Oh Nadia. Oh she gave me that badge thing :) it says 'kiss me with khiel's'

My hand is fucked up and it hurts. The tournament was fun though. The UWC girls went through my photos in my camera as they were sitting at our bag area and found it. All they found were a bunch of netball photos and photos of drunk friends from Play :) The girls from Singapore Sports School were good, but mainly aggressive. The first half wasn't that bad, but they switched goalshooters and the second one was more quicker but it was still alright. Tanglin is Tanglin. Amazing. I liked the French School from Hong Kong :) Their goalshooter was so cute and nice hahaha. I think the only problem we had was DEFENSE. Wing and goal defense needed to follow their attackers, mark up and defend. Or else, it'll be 2 vs 1 on my part, which totally sucked. I still can't believe how Ms. Kane actually mixed the NEW netballers in with the A team for the tournament. No offense though. I really respect them. Tamsin is small and cute, but she is definitely improving on defense and looks so fierce on the court. Courtney just started out, but she's getting more confident and is aware on what she has to do. She just still gets a little lost when the ball is coming our way and it's understandable because she's new.

My body aches right now. Especially my hand.

Just leave it alone.













Anyway, hi.

I'm glad it's Friday. But a ligament in my middle finger almost tore. It's rather hard typing but I haven't updated in awhile. I just don't find any interest in this blog anymore. Idk how I will play in my netball tournament. But I will..

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall.
You never returned that call.

Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again.

She said I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine.

Put your back on me,
Put your back on me,
Put your back on me..

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun.
Can you read my mind?

I think my netball coach thinks I'm anorexic. But I won't even go into the whole 'OMYGAHHHHHH MY WEIGHT' topic.

As for my one week holiday away from school, I mostly either went out to party or stayed home to work.

My computer is on lock down. My mom let me sneak her laptop into my room for the night.

Yesterday I was so jumpy and excited to hear that we're doing a book project in art, where we get to cut up a million pages and use mixed media and a bunch of layers. For the last few weeks i've actually been looking at designer Nicholas Jones's book sculptures. So tricky though.

I drank too much.I drank two Chips jugs (bit smaller than normal jugs only for $15), and got wasted because I didn't eat much yesterday. Got sick a little while after reaching Butterfactory, but the night got better. Thank god. Inquisitive was god. good. Haha. He played a lot of great songs. Including Kids (Soulwax mix)  - MGMT. yesssss. I felt so awful about being so gone yesterday.. I wasn't supposed to get wasted. :/ Well I was right, it couldn't have gone any worse. It got a wee bit better and feel better now.

geez..

oh nadia..
oh bianca..

Modern version of the Man Ray's surreal photograph "Lee Miller: Neck".





1! I'm bitin' my tongue.

:)


Edit. Lol you know, when I saw this video, I couldn't stop humming the lyrics. 15 minutes later I went to search for the lyrics and learned the song on guitar.

Anyway today was shopping with my mom around town and then Vivo. Ended up buying a bunch of new skinny jeans from Topshop. I still need new shoes. As we were leaving, ran into Xinyi :) loved the smiley piercing. Then we spoke spanish quite a bit on the way back home, to help me improve my spanish speaking skillzz.

I forgot to write about Gus my favorite pufferfish..
Gus died. He wasn't eating much. He always appeared to be lost in his own little world and never paid attention to anything around him, such as his food. Except when I used to get up close to his and Bus's tank, he'd come up to the surface. Or maybe he just wanted to bite me I don't know. Sigh. I don't want another Gus. But I want a Gus II lol. Or a starfish.

Eisley for breakfast, Debussy for lunch..




I feel like walking around or something. I need to buy new film..

Okay so the only significant thing that has happened in the last few days was taking my SATs on Saturday. The math was so-so. The essay and reading bit was a piece of cake. But after taking a 4 (or was it 5?) hour test with only 5 minute breaks every hour, I left that stupid ridiculously hot exam room with a little head ache. It was a long, weird day already. When I reached home, I slept around 2pm, and I woke up around 7. And let me tell you, I don't nap for that long, period. When I woke up I had 3 missed calls and several messages, and my phone was on ring+vibrate AND it was on my bed. I ate dinner and tried to watch a movie with my parents but I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until 11 or so. So weird, I just don't sleep that much. Oh, my dreams were even worse. Let's not go there though.



I'm craving Starbucks, Nadia and I agree that there should be Starbucks delivery with hot girls delivering. But really I want Starbucks..

Today I did some oil pastel work on my really old canvas because I had nothing better to do, and also made up a new song on my acoustic. Met Ruby and her friend at Starbucks and shopped around town. As I was going home I ran into Helene, she was going to Starbucks and asked me to come along since her friend was going to be extremely late. Sigh. I really wish I had money on me.

Later on at night I was jamming to the usual music, and then my iPod basted Cat Power. The first thing that came to mind was watching my 11 year old self strumming to my basic Ibanez guitar with my little guitar amp, in my empty room. I remember He War being one of the first songs i'd ever learned. Then as my iPod kept playing on shuffle, I heard another old song, The End Has No End by The Strokes. I remember this song struck me when I was 13 as if it was opening a new door in my life, and it sort of did. I don't know why though.

I guess since Saturday I've been appreciating life more, and tonight omg. I was on Facebook just looking at old videos and photos, and talking to my best friend Faye who currently lives in Thailand. And then my iPod played 2 or 3 songs that really got me thinking, way back to even when I was 6. Really though, I should appreciate life more and focus on the important things and leave the negative stuff out.


Sometimes, I still wish I could be a great/well-known yet independent musician. Or in a band. Idk.

:} Hahah. You know I still can't get over how beautiful my acoustic guitar is.

My body is aching right now, i'm sleepy, and i'm cramping. Not a good combination at all. So i'm gonna curl up on my couch and sleep for awhile.
But it was nice to draw/work on my feminist poster for Media Studies alone during lunch time in Mrs. Trass's classroom. With a computer + pretty nice speakers ;) I was surprised no teacher came in to bitch at me for playing music so loud.

Tomorrow will be better! Yayy.




Plus soon I would really like to do the following:
-Picnic! Michh.
-Get my 6 rolls of Lomo Fisheye photos developed, starting with the ones dated back to June.
-Take my mom out to brunch at the American Club when she comes back because she loves it.
-Go shopping.
-Walk around aimlessly with someone and a camera.





Edit.
I forgot to mention that Bus puffed up this morning for the first time. lol